"sentences"

I wear it oh so well

this thin, black veil

between me and the blue sky

between me and the sun

I can't remember all that well

where the ghost walked off to when she

stepped out of the coffin

one day is far too long

one breath costs so very much

give my soul something, please

give my soul something to drink

words are always precariously stacking themselves

too high

the alphabet might fall some day

i hope if works on me

i hope it does me well before then

i want to be sad

but i don't want to make you feel the same way

can anyone see me

can anyone tell I'm shivering?

I look to (anticipate, daydream about, obsess over) the future because I mistakenly think it will give me relief or redemption somehow. Tomorrow I might be better. What plagues me today might just have been a dream that I awake from in the morning. Everything might change. It takes more courage to suck in the air of today - of right now - and swallow everything that swims in it, with gratitutde.

"Rest is not a commodity that Jesus hands out...rest is inseparable from Jesus." -Don V.

I turned the page to a new chapter of my life. I found new worries. Lots of them. They jumped out from the pages like a million shrieking gremlins with oozing fangs, stinky breath and sharp daggers in their hands. I thought it was just the lack of sleep or the amount of homework or bicycle riding or not enough protein or PMS. But it was none of that. These demons live inside me; for 24 years I have been their permanent home.

I once asked God what good it did anyone for me to be a photographer. "What is the point of this gift?" I asked. I felt like his answer to me was..."I just like it."

Well, what if that's it? What if that's the whole reason for everything about me? The whole reason I am alive? I didn't have to exist. My life isn't necessary. It's extraneous. Gratuitous. Extra.

All of life is.

"The meaning of life is to live it." -a bumper sticker