I have been learning quite a bit about ambition. Ambition seems to be a seriously dreadful thing for me. Aspiration always catches the best of me in the end.

I am so blessed. I live such a full life. I have come to understand so much freedom from so much indescribable truth. I feel responsible for so much because of what I know, yet it doesn't cause me to fear or feel burdened. I know that everyone shares the same responsibility for what they know, too, and I can't consider my own knowledge to be weightier than anyone else's. To take my responsibility too seriously would be just as grievous as neglecting it altogether.

I need to read more to understand and learn how language flows together to create a story. I take fragments of language to learn abstract concepts and sometimes make them discernible as concrete pictures, but this is a challenge for me because I do not regularly practice the art of language as words flowing together to weave a tapestry. This should be my inspiration for reading, not self-validation from books as testaments to my knowledge.

There is a deeper "within" where truth comes out. Real inspiration flows there. Pure motivation for anything lives in that realm. I talk to myself a lot and pretend that I'm in dialogue with other people, but 99.999% of the time I am only validating my ego by explicating things that are on my mind that I think would make these imaginary impressions of people that I know think very highly of me. This is from the shallow realm, it's a shallow use of my gift of language. I have to reverse the habit of drawing from this shallow pool and learn to dig into the deeper within where the real me - the true, beautiful me - knows a precious secret and takes joy in liberating others with its shine.